Every year I get slammed by this massive depression out of nowhere and can't shake it or explain it until it passes. In the meantime, I'm in HELL.
I wonder: - Why am I here?
- Why don't my friends return phone calls?
- Why don't I have more money?
- Why don't I have a better job?
- Why can't I find a boyfriend?
- Why? WHY? Why?! Waaaaahhhhhh!
Then I also remember, I have a birthday coming up (more depression --> I'm getting OLD!!!!) and unless you are turning 1-7, 16, 21, 30, 50, 75, or 100, NO ONE WILL THROW YOU A PARTY! You have to do it yourself. Be a grown-up. Move on.
If I got off my behind and went for a walk or did some exercise I would feel better but the ONLY thing getting me out of bed is the threat of losing my job.
I didn't used to feel this way. September and October were great for me because I LOVE Indian Summer. The fall clothes always fit my curvier figure. The colors flatter my skin. Boots are stylish AND sensible! The air is breathable and everything is crisp and full of rich color. Instead of the bleached pastels from the end of summer; gold, red and orange leaves are on the trees and the sun hangs lower creating amazing sunrises and sunsets.
The moon seemed fuller too.
I know that I get "blue" because:
- I have a "lunar" cycle that tends to skip after a time zone change. (went on vaca with the fam in august again, Doh!)
- My car insurance AND rent AND school loans are all due within a week of each other in October.
- My friends are busy because everyone just settled into post-vacation work flows and we're now gearing up for "The HoliDAZE."
- I'm so angry at myself for not remembering to prepare for my ANNUAL October crash.
At least I had oatmeal for breakfast instead of an egg mcmuffin.
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